Hiatus

Yes I am aware I haven't been posting for quite a while now.

My apologies to all, especially because I gave you no warning.

I'm still pretty busy, but I should be back in about 3 to 4 days.
With lots of gossip, yes!

Movie Spoilers

In the spirit of the occasion, I thought it'd be fun to post this - it's every Best Picture winner in Oscar history spoiled in one take in under 5 minutes.

Yep, We Always Knew It

Thrilled with my rediscovery of Dickipedia. Can't believe I forgot about the place. And today's dick is none other than...

Dickipedia (A Wiki of Dicks): Bill O'Reilly

The Librarians

I wrote this a few months ago - it's from my old blog that I deleted almost as soon as I'd begun it, and I figured I'd repost this entry.


What is it with people? How hard is it to do the one thing you're getting paid for?

I mean, seriously. Can I not get a book out of my college library without having to wait for 15 minutes for the incompetent lady at the counter to figure out how to read the bar code on my card? Can't she and the other doofus in there(librarians, I think they call themselves) figure out how to work a computer?

For the love of god, ladies, if you HAVE to type with ONE FINGER, can't you at least learn to do it faster?
You'd think they'd get it in about a week, what with all the students who've been taking out books, but no, I walk in and they manage to take even longer this time.

And then they have the gall to tell me to be careful with the book because it's a new one. Let me be clearer. What Incompetent Lady said was, "Look, it's a new book; don't tear out any pages!"

Bitch, if I wanted to tear out pages I'd stand in the stacks and rip 11 books a minute. Not wait for twenty just to take one out and rip it apart in the privacy of my room.
Bite me, why don’t you? BITE ME.

Double You - Tee - Eff !?!?

You know your life is SAD when the only thing worth blogging about is your hostel warden.
My life is sad.
So, my two lucky readers, you(once again) get to read about…The Horse.

I never did mention that last month, a whole bunch of us went to our college principal(who is also a nun) to discuss all things regarding The Horse.
The principal was understanding and offered a listening ear…but I’m not quite so sure exactly what she told the Horse, because things have been pretty much the same.

Then last night, we discovered that the Horse had only just found out about the meeting, and actually spoke to one of the girls in the hostel saying, “If you think things are going to get better, you’re wrong. I’m just going to be stricter with you people.”
This really annoyed me, because everyone in this hostel is over the age of 18(with the exception of myself), and are all completely capable of taking care of themselves. Heck people are turning 21 and 22 this year - full fledged ADULTS, and yet she sees the need to “be strict” with them.

The “seniors”, who will be leaving the hostel for good come April(having completed their bachelors degree) are entitled to a Farewell, where the juniors will put up a programme etc.
The Horse told said juniors that the seniors “don’t deserve a farewell” and that if they decided to hold one anyway, she won’t be attending.
Well thank the lord, that’s one thing I’m looking forward to.

On a slightly different note, let me take the opportunity to laugh at The Horse’s English.
I know this is quite a rude thing to do, but I really couldn’t be bothered, she annoys me.
So last night she comes into my room, opening the door with a BANG, and nearly smashing the dustbin behind it into smithereens, because, as she claimed, either me or my roommate(let’s call her A) were on the phone. This of course, is forbidden. Boo hoo.
Anyway, neither of us was on the phone, we were just talking to each other(which, of course, is ALSO forbidden, during “study time”). She tried to take our phones away, but we were adamant, insisting that we weren’t using them, after which she finally gave up, but not before telling us that we’re both liars because

"That was not the talk of the normal people! "

You shoulda seen A and I trying not to laugh.

And the saga continues....

It's funny how every entry I've made so far relates to the Horse, but she seems to be the only thing that really grinds my gears nowadays. Anyway, seeing as how that's only three posts excluding this one, that's not saying very much.
Anyway, what did the Horse do this time?

Well, last night, she was on her rounds at about 10 p.m., and I happened to have been listening to my iPod. She walked into the room.

"Well, well, what is this? Don't you know it's study time from 8 till 10:30? You disobey all the rules of the hostel. Come and see me in my room once I'm done with my rounds."

So apparently I am being made to study, wether I would like to or not, and to top it off, I have to go visit the Holiest of Holies. Fabulous.

Now while I would prefer not to go into the details of her highly infuriating tirade(mainly because it involved quite a few hostelites and related incidents which would require me to do a lot of explaining) the gist of it all saw her tell me that as the youngest girl here, I am also The Most Troublesome and that if I didn't improve within the week, I would be made to leave.

Trust me, I would like nothing more than for me to leave, but it would be too much of a burden to bear, especially for my parents, who, being in a completely different country and having enough on their minds, I do not want to annoy.

What irritates me the most though, is the way she says my name.

Naomi. How hard is it to say that???

You wont even BELIEVE what she calls me, you have to be innately Indian to pronounce it the way she does - Naah-voh-me.

Naah (like the exclaimation "Ahhhh"), Voh (like Van Gogh or mow or low) and Me.

What the fuck people? What the fuck???

The Horse must die.

So her royal bitchiness took out all her frustration on me today.
She'd been away since the beginning of Jan(brilliant start to the new year, eh?) due to ulcers or something(yippeeeee), but today was doomsday as the Horse decided to come back to oversee a guest talk being held here by Ian Fariah.
Apparently, attending this talk was COMPULSORY, but I didn't show up because I have my mock exams going on.
The Horse doesn't think this is excuse enough, however.

When I went downstairs for dinner, she was standing there in all her frustrated glory, and had a nice go at me for not being present. She yelled about how such lectures are meant for people like me, who don't even bother showing up in the first place, and how she only has problems with "you Catholic girls" and blah, blah, blah.
I was honestly and truly pissed off at her, but I tried explaining that I have exams going on, and I cannot afford to be attending two hour talks when I have two thousand pages to study. The bitch didn't even listen.

When I (finally) got back to my table, I only managed to hold it in for 5 minutes before I burst into tears. There is only so much I can take, and even though I'm walking around acting all cavalier about my exams, I actually am stressed and I actually do care about my marks and I REALLY did not need a yelling from a sadistic bitch like her.
She says I should pay a 500 buck fine for missing the talk, but I couldn't be arsed to do so. I'd sooner do the hula on national television. It's not really a matter of the money, more so as the principle of the thing - if I have exams, and I have informed people prior to the event that I shan't be attending, I see no reason why I should be penalised.

Oh, and the best bit?
The talk was apparently about Freedom of Choice.
Bite me somebody.

Jailed

I forgot I had a blog.
Hence the delay.

A lot has happened since my first post, and I mean a lot.
We can start with the new regulations The Horse has reinforced. The night after my aforementioned first post, she called a meeting in the refectory. Why?
Because she thinks we're highly indisciplined. Because we've actually been going out of the hostel (gasp! why would anyone want to leave this PARADISE???) and she can't stand that. After all, our lives should be as drab as hers.

Apparently some of the girls say they walk down the lane outside campus in order to get themselves some fresh fruit juice from the fruit stalls, except when The Horse tried to get this across, what she said sounded like, "And the girls say they go out in the name of Jews."
For a second there was silence. Then we realized she meant juice.
The stupid woman can't even speak properly.

The worst part is that I'm surrounded by a whole load of people who are just dying to get into her good books and who laugh at everything she says, no matter how lame.
The Horse went on, "And I see you people wandering around like cows..." which was succeeded by loud laughter from said people. How is that even funny? I, for one do not much appreciate being compared to a cow.
And then she added, "And some of your rooms are so dirty, they look like stables!"
Cue for more laughter.

The gist of her whole stupid tirade was that we should under no circumstances leave the campus before 3 p.m., even if we finish class at 12, and that before we go anywhere we should ask for permission from her Royal Highness herself.
Of course, what she did not mention was that the answer to such requests would invariably be no, which a few people did find out to their bad luck.
The college gates are locked every morning, only allowing people in, but not out. Thankfully they open at 12:30 p.m. because of the people who do not actually live on campus, who might want to leave.

Let's face it - I don't give a tiny rat's ass for her stupid rules - I don't sign in or out(in the log she maintains), I leave campus when I feel like it(provided the gates are open) and I don't ask for no permission baby. She can go take a crap somewhere.

Sacrilege!!!

I know this is quite possibly not the best way to begin a blog, but right now all I can see is red, and all I can feel is a deep desire to murder a certain nun.
For reasons quite obvious, I cannot reveal her name or the instituition I'm studying at, but for want of some sort of introduction, I should point out that I'm studying away from home, in a school run by nuns, and I'm living on campus, which decidedly complicates things and makes for loads of run-ins with said nuns.

The nun I am currently referring to is the warden of my hostel, whom we shall call The Horse, because that is exactly what she reminds me of. Although I do believe horses have better teeth.

Anyway, as a Catholic, I am required to attend Mass every Sunday and Thursday(yes, Thursday, and no, there is no logical reason for this), as well as say the Rosary in the chapel with all the other Catholic girls EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Well, sinner that I am, I didn't wake up in time for mass this Sunday(6:30 in the morning people!!!). Naturally, the Horse noticed. She always notices when I'm not there.
And so I was summoned to her room, stumbling in with my sweater on, wearing a muffler and my sunblock lip balm(makes my lips look as white as Andrew Symmonds' during an ODI), and talking in the croakiest voice I could muster. Of course, I was faking sick - something that could have worked rather well, since when she made her rounds the previous night I was faking sick too, to avoid having to deal with her.

Except on Sunday morning, when I told her I wasn't feeling well, she said, "So?"
Her royal Horsiness went on to say that I should have informed her that I was not feeling well and that I wouldn't be attending Mass(yeah, like I have bell boys at my beck and call) and that I should keep my lame excuses to myself. She decided that she wanted to speak to my local guardian about me, and that she'd like to speak to my mother as well.
Then she made me write in The Warning Book, which is this pathetic notebook she owns and in which she makes us write things like,
I, Naomi, have disobeyed the rules of the hostel by not having attending Mass on Sunday the 7th of December 2008. I am aware of the rules of the hostel, and any failure to follow them henceforth shall lead to my leaving the hostel.
And then she made me sign it.
I nearly pointed out the fact that I am seventeen, and thus, a minor, which makes all contracts within the state null and void since I cannot be held legally responsible for anything I have signed.
I didn't actually tell her that, though.
She was angry enough as it is, and ordered me to attend mass everyday for the next one week. Bitch, I know.

So I went for Mass this morning, pleased with myself for having made it on time(all thanks to my friend M, who has just started her own blog too, and who rudely woke me up by banging on my door). What I did forget was the Rosary after dinner.
And of course, the Horse did note my absence, and when she came on her rounds she got started on me again. I swear, I have never wanted anything to explode more than I wanted her head to at that moment.

Sadly for me, her head did not explode and I was forced to listen to her go on and on about what a terrible Catholic I am, and how there is no point in me staying in the hostel since I cannot incorporate Catholic values into my life, and how they may as well take someone else in my place, and how I come up with lame excuses.
Going into the details of her tirade would only anger me more, and perhaps cause me to break things, so let's just say that I tried very hard not to listen, saying only the occasional "yes" and "no" and forcing my mouth to stay shut, lest the words, "Fuck you sister" come out of it.

Honestly, who does she think she is?
What kind of Christian judges other fellow Christians? What gives her the right to tell me when I should or should not pray and where I should do it? What gives her the right to tell me I'm a "bad" Catholic and that I should atone for my sins?
It's not like the hostel is full of Catholics and I'm the only one who disobeys every rule. First of all, Catholics are a minority in the hostel. And secondly, I'm not the only one playing up.

I suppose she thinks she's some kind of a saint.
Well she can't be one just yet, although I 'd LOVE to help her become one. I'd put all my efforts into it, really, I will.
Because you see, all the saints are DEAD.